Sunday, 1 February 2015

I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

For the last thirty or so years the internet has given us many things and changed the lives of millions around the globe.  For a few, it brings daily news from far-flung exotic reaches of the world, highlights environmental issues that may affect the flora and fauna of our little blue planet, brings the double-dealings of politicians into the light from their usual shadowy hiding places and provides the latest scientific news and findings that may make our lives better in the future.

For the rest of us it's brought the cursed chalices of Facebook and Twitter... and porn - with a never-ending niche of fetishes to fulfil many a deviant mind.  To be fair and honest, I do try and keep up-to-date with the latest happenings in the world via the Internet, but there always seems to be another gorgeous girl with her legs open that distracts me too easily.

On another personal note, the internet has allowed me to have my own website, and of course this Blog.  All-in-all, then, despite fears of snooping by the government and unscrupulous tracking viruses, the internet has generally been a good thing and one that I've embraced...

...until now, that is, when for no apparent reason IT HAS STOPPED F**KING WORKING!  Sorry... had to get that off my G-sized chest.

Let me go back a bit...  In the middle of December, my trusty old PC suddenly committed hara-kiri.  It ceased to exist, it was no more.  A trip to Bolton to visit the IT Guru of the north (Thanks, M!) revealed that six-years of dust and fuzz had accumulated in the fan system, which had very nicely caused the whole kit and caboodle into a Chernobyl-like meltdown.  It appears that the computer had been doing a better job of vacuuming the apartments where I used to live than I was, but, much like a heroin addict finally catching up with the dragon, my dust-busting PC had it's own overdose of Suddenly Halted Information Technology.

Needing a desktop PC at short notice, I made a fateful decision to head to Currys and pick up a new one.  The Hewlett Packard one I chose was great... until I switched it on.  Windows 8 is quite a jump from the Windows XP system that I was used to.  The computer came with a million different 'Apps' for which I have no desire to use or learn to use.  Deleting them was no easy thing, as the new computer clearly didn't like the decisions I was making, and questioned and re-questioned and argued and pleaded and got angry then sorrowful then sulked then got angry again and walked up and down the apartment wailing about how it wants another chance if only I could trust it again (it didn't really do the last bit, though I know it would have if it could).  Eventually it grudgingly obeyed, although I could sense it's cold, calculating and detached malevolence.  I've already named it 'Hal'.  It's psychotic, in a quiet and dangerous way, and I've always preferred my psychotics to be loud and aggressive so I can spot them a mile away and apply avoidance measures.  I have a fear that one night I'm going to wake up in my bedroom with the Hal sat quietly whirring away under the covers, whispering "I've downloaded another App... so I can watch you all day....."

Anyway, I'm digressing here a bit, and I really don't want to give the impression that Hal is on my mind constantly.

Moving into January, and I decided to update some of the images on my website.  I changed some Gallery photos along with images on the other pages, and what a relief I did.  Because, on Monday 26th January, Hal truly became self-aware and hit back and hit hard - my internet disappeared.  Hal, it seems, is quite happy to be switched on and runs perfectly, even finding the right internet connections... but once I try and access the internet, it seems to say "I'm sorry Dexi, I'm afraid I can't do that."  IT support from Currys soon gave up, and other, well-meaning friends and colleagues have supplied advice... all thwarted by Hal.

Luckily, just after buying the PC, I decided to get a cheap lap-top computer too, so I could haul it to work and keep my escort information updated in-between clients (and, yes, keep up-to-date on Facebook and Google porn pictures of tattooed girls in rudely suggestive poses).  It is thanks to this foresight that I can at least update my Blog now, as the same internet connection seems fine on the lap-top.  Sadly, I can't update this week's Picture Of The Week, though, so my breasts will have to stay up until I can persuade Hal to 'open the pod-bay door' and grant me access to the internet once again.

I'm hoping that this week will bring a decisive blow in the battle against Hal and bring it to heel, but even if I'm lucky this time around, I have a horrible feeling that the war will continue in the future...

Dexi Delite - preparing for war

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