Thursday, 8 November 2018

Pleasures And Pain In Prague... Part 2

I woke up early on Friday morning, as stiff as the cocks of my gentleman visitors... only with some rather painful aching thrown in.  It seemed my eight mile hike yesterday hadn't done my sciatica much good.

I was due to meet friends to go to one of the main events of Prague Fetish Weekend - the Fetish Fair, a few miles outside the city centre, but that wasn't until midday.  Until then I had a lazy morning ahead.  Or would have done, if the bare space on the windowledge and the broken remains of the plant pot kept catching my attention like a broken tooth on a supermodel.  I had time to find a replacement, I decided.

I dressed in a lycra catsuit (in preparation for the Fair) and explored the streets around the apartment, figuring the residential area was more likely to have such an item than the touristy centre of the city.  After half an hour I found a flower shop, with rows of plant pots for sale.  Brilliant - and easier than expected.  I went inside and checked the white ones - there were white plant pots of every shape and size, but none that matched my broken one.  Unless I replaced them all, it was going to look a bit obvious.  Nevertheless, it gave me an idea - railway stations usually have flower shops, and the main Prague railway station was only short walk from the apartment, too - although in the opposite direction to where I currently was.  I set off back, retracing my steps, passing my apartment and continuing on to the railway station.

Now, I know that I'm not the best with directions, but I was confident of the direction when I caught up with two Chinese tourists lugging heavy suitcases going the same way as me.  Up in the distance I could see parts of the railway station, fairly close.  We crossed over a small road and the path began curving sharply to the right and getting thinner and thinner.  Here, in fact...,14.4334074,3a,75y,55.93h,80.42t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sS55DY-MxOMsqucv2nhWObQ!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

The path, bizarrely, petered out to nothing.  At the far end an American tourist with a backpack the size of Kansas was stood there, totally perplexed.  The Chinese froze, seeing no way over the tall metal roadside barrier to the other side... not that there was much there, and the daily Prague Grand Prix was well under way (not that it really stops) to dissuade any attempt to dash over the road.


"There's no way through," said the American, perfectly summing up the situation needlessly.  I had no idea how long he'd been stood there as I hadn't even seen him walking in front of us.

"No way through," repeated the Chinese, freezing still like two of the Qin Shi Huang's terracotta warriors.

They looked at me.  "Right," I said, taking control, "this way."  I turned and began walking back, not as confident as my stride suggested.  I'd seen an underpass a few minutes earlier, and was thinking it was the way under the road junction.  We passed a couple with a pram and suitcase heading for the same dead-end route we'd just found.  "Not that way" I advised, "the pathway stops."  They stopped and looked at each other, saying something in a language I couldn't catch - but I could see the El Al stickers on the man's suitcase.  Israelis, then.  The Chinese and American now joined us in our United Nations huddle.  I told them to follow me, heading down some steps, the American now jogging on ahead.  I helped the Israelis with their pram and suitcase whilst the Chinese manhandled their huge cases down the steep steps.

Luckily, the underpass took us exactly where I hoped it would - the train station.  I was now a bit hot and sweaty in my catsuit, and my hip was aching like a motherfucker.  Nevertheless, I was almost at my goal.

I wandered in to the station - it was deserted, but the old brutalist architecture was quite impressive.  I explored a bit more, not believing that Prague's main railway station would have no shops or even people.  I was right - on the lower floor there was platforms and shops galore... but no flowershops.  Fuck.  There was a classical quartet busking, though, the beautiful tones filling the halls of the station.

I had a good look around and decided I needed to concede defeat.  Dis-spirited, I left the station, walked through the park and back in the direction of the apartment.

Fifteen minutes later it began to sink in that I was hopelessly lost.  The streets, still lined with beautiful buildings, were unrecognisable.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - lost in Prague.
I wandered around a bit more, a slight panic uncurling in my stomach.  I glanced at my watch.  My initial plans for a 45-60 minute stroll were gone.  I was now in the middle of a two-hour hike, at least.  I found a money-exchange shop and went in.  I produced my rather crude and simple map and asked if they could show me where I was.  They marked on the map my current location - fifteen minutes walk north of the railway station, when I should have been heading south when I came out of the station.  In my head I retraced my steps.. left the station, crossed the park, went over two streets, went over... hold on.  Park?  Park?  I never saw a park on my way in.  Bollocks.  I showed the cashier where I needed to be.  He puffed out his cheeks in the internationally recognised code of "you're fucked" and marked the meandering way back home.

I left the shop and headed on my way back.  Ten minutes later I came to the Vltava river.  What the hell?  I realised I'd turned the wrong way out of the shop.  Ten minutes later I was back passing the money-exchange shop and carefully followed the route home.  A few streets later and I could see a giant panda towering above the crowds on the street.  Giant Panda?  That looked familiar, and is something I never thought I'd say or write.

I found myself at the bottom of Wenceslas Square.  As glad as I was to find myself in familiar surroundings it meant another slog up the crowded tourist spot (for what seemed the hundreth time) and fifteen minutes later I was back at the apartment... with no time to rest my aching hips as I had to head out to the Fair.

I rushed over to the tram stop.  No ticket machine.  In halting Czech (well, OK - English spoken very slowly) as I asked a woman where tickets could be purchased.  She had no idea.  I waited for the tram to arrive and asked the driver if he was going to my stop - Depo Hostivar.  If he was, I could perhaps sort the ticket out on the tram.

"No", he replied, closing his window rudely.  The tram left the stop, and I was just left.  Bugger.  I'd already had a text message to say my friends were heading to the Fair, so I had to find a way there.

I found a shop and asked a young girl for directions.  She pointed out the underground system was only a short walk away, and my stop was only five or six down the line.  Brilliant.  I headed back through another underpass up some stairs...

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Prague.
...down some stairs and an elevator and found myself finally on the underground.  There was bit of trouble with the sullen and sulking ticket machine not unlike that when I went to the Netherlands, but the Czech machines have a little to learn from the Dutch masters... but not fucking much, I can tell you.

Press the buttons for English language.  Nothing.  Take a guess and put some coins in - no, straight out the bottom.  Oh, the English section is now showing.  Put some more coins in - some accepted, others rejected.  Timed out.  Start again.  Different coins accepted this time, different ones rejected.  Train arrives, and leaves.  Start again...  Eventually, the machine grudgingly accepted my money having already made me miss a couple of trains, by which time I would have gladly smashed it up - if it wasn't built like a Russian T-34 tank, that is.  It was the ticket machine equivalent of Marvin The Paranoid Android.  "Life?  Don't talk to me about life."

Nevertheless, I was finally on the train and heading out to the Fair.  Still hot, still aching, but looking forward to seeing the Fair and friends.  The tram arrived at Depo Hostivar and I headed though the hospital grounds, finding my way to the fair.  No queues - a good sign.  I went in.  They were in the middle of setting up.  A woman said something in Czech.  I asked about the fair.  Her English-speaking colleague joined the conversation.  "It doesn't start until 6.00pm," she said.

"Fuck," I said.  "Fuck!" nodded the first lady, laughing.  "She knows that word," said the second.

My phone beeped.  A text message from my friends, informing me that the timings had changed and the Fair wasn't now opening until the evening so they were turning around and going straight to their hotel room instead.


It felt like a long journey back to the city centre, and I now had time to kill.  I got off the train, headed back down Wenceslas bloody Square again and decided to cheer myself up with a visit to the Sex Machine Museum.

I pushed through a crowd of tourists hanging about the entrance debating about entering (fnar fnar!), bought my ticket, and headed for the top floor to start my tour.  It was fantastic - and I realised that...
  1. There's very little that hasn't been tried before,
  2. Some people have always been bloody kinky.
  3. I must be depraved, as I either recognised or immediately understood what most of the furniture and appliances were for, and have used some of the modern equivalents in my sexual delights over the years.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - this one I've tried... Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - another familiar position, Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - shame I couldn't try it out... Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - familiar toys, Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - now THAT I'd be up for... Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - more familiar toys... Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - used those, used that... Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Fucking machines, dildos and vibrators, pissing thrones, orgy furniture, BDSM toys and restraints, sexual ornaments and toys, fetish attire, vintage erotic films... not just my Christmas shopping list for this year, but also the fabulous displays at the museum.  It was well worth the entrance fee.

Afterwards I finally met up with C and his lady friend for a few drinks in a bar just off Wenceslas Square.  We stayed out drinking long enough to decide to head over to the Fair.  At least I knew where I was going.  Back to the metro, another fight with the ticket machine, another few stops and we were back in the industrial part of Prague as evening arrived.  Deja vu.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Fetish Fair, second attempt, Prague.
The fair was pretty small, and although there were one or two stands that had some well-made S&M equipment, there was nothing that really tempted me to part with any money.  There were a few stage shows, but although I can appreciate the aesthetics of shibari (Japanese rope bondage), it doesn't really make much of a visual spectacle.  I bumped into a Dutch couple that I'd seen in Hamburg and Berlin, the latter of which I'd had a great time fucking the lady of the couple in the middle of the German Fetish Ball.  We stayed drinking and chatting until midnight before catching the last metro home.  A much better end to the day than the beginning.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Sex Machine Museum, Prague.
Saturday was spent largely relaxing and resting my aching leg so that I could enjoy the fetish ball.  I had decided on my transparent latex gown and PVC thigh boots.  I was ready early and waited for my taxi in the old hallway of the apartment building.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - ready for the Ball, Prague.
A short taxi ride later I was outside the PM Club.  A quick glide through security and the cloakroom (thankfully - it would get much busier in just fifteen minutes' time) and a quick exploration around the club.  And it was quick - one main room, one small upstairs mezzanine, one small dungeon/playroom.  I found a space to stand without being jostled too much and enjoyed some people-watching.  There were lots of stunning Czech girls parading around, and when C and his Mistress arrived we actually managed to find some seats - thankfully, as my hip was aching quite a bit.

Although I'd taken my small camera I didn't take any photos - thankfully, as during one of the fashion shows the security team roughly man-handled a guy out who was filming the show - the snake.   Midway through the night I had a short wander to see if the playroom was busy - although three people in there would have made it full!  Another quick look upstairs, but soon returned downstairs when it transpired that all the seats and corridors were full - it left an impression that the club, although no doubt willing to host the night, was simply too small for the event.

After the fashion shows finished the long and wide runway remained in place, too, taking up much of the dancefloor.  I couldn't help but compare it to the fantastic German events were the clubs are set up correctly with room for socialising, dancing and (very importantly) playing.  It was a bit like a fetish social night, elevated only by the outstanding costumes on display by the attendees.

I did manage to make five hours at the event before my aching hip began to take its toll, and with little in the way of playing or dancing to entice me to stay, I decided to call it a night.

Home alone, then, and not even rude memories to take back to bed.  I settled in for my last night, falling asleep despite the racing Grand Prix outside.

I woke early on Sunday, got ready and packed everything up - I had to leave the apartment by 11.00am, but my flight wasn't until 4.00pm.  That left the best part of day to drag luggage around Prague.  I left the apartment on time, leaving plenty of money behind to cover the cost of the broken plantpot.  I headed back to Maitrea, taking time over a long lunch.

Afterwards I headed over to Prague's famous clock tower to see the astronomical clock do its thing on the hour.  I waited with a large crowd, the minutes ticking by.

On the hour, the clock went into action.  Well, action of a kind.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - a clock, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - a clock, Prague.
A bell chimed.  Some clockwork figures appeared in the windows.  A small skeleton rung a bell.  The hand moved past the hour.  It was over.  No doubt it was a tremendous thing when it was built, but perhaps I was expecting a bit more.

I decided the best way to take up the remainder of the day was with as little walking as possible.  I had seen a few odd vintage-styled cars tootling around the city over the last few days, and thought it looked a good way to see other bits of the city and have a rest from my aching leg and hauling luggage around at the same time.

I found a cheerful Czech chap called Peter, jumped in his car and we set off.

We headed over one of the main bridges back onto the side where the Palace was, the sights of the old streets glorious in the sunshine.  We passed another of Prague's architectural delights, the 'dancing house', brazen and challenging but still lovely as it nestled alongside old buildings.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Dancing House, Prague.
Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Dancing House, Prague.
After the best part of an hour we arrived at, of all places, bloody Wenceslas Square again.  "Have you been here yet?" asked my jovial host.  "Once or twice..." I replied, trying not to sigh too much.  I still couldn't resist another photo of the Grand Europa Hotel, though, with gathering clouds behind.

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - Prague.
We trundled off, heading over to see the moving head sculpture of Franz Kafka, but although we stayed for a few minutes he refused to look our way...

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - impolite Kafka, Prague.
... and on to Freud, still hanging from one hand and debating whether to let go or not...

Dexi Delite Altrincham and Manchester Escort - dangling Freud, Prague.
Freud, of course, came up with the 'Madonna-Whore' complex, an idea still in vogue (Madonna... Vogue... get it?  No?  Oh, OK...).  I think I know what side I chose a long time ago...

It was a short hop back to our starting point from there, and time, too, to brace myself for the final taxi ride to the airport.  It was a bit more of a sedate drive back to Prague airport, I'm glad to say, and thankfully a more comfortable flight back.

Although the fetish weekend was a bit of a let down, I left Prague with memories of a truly fantastic city, one that I hope to return to.

I'll give the sciatica a miss next time, though.

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